Greetings & Salutations

With no collaboration, Ally and Michael each wrote the story of their first date from their respective perspectives. Enjoy.

It was a cold and misty day on February 17. I had already conducted my background investigation on Mikey and confirmed he was a real person and not a serial killer. He proposed to meet over either coffee or cocktails. He didn't know me at that point, otherwise the choice would have been obvious. Although I only lived a 10 minute walk away from where we decided to meet, I was naturally a little late because I took the long way (aka got lost). When I finally arrived, I found Mikey standing outside of Volumes coffee shop wide-eyed. Hmm... maybe there is nowhere to sit, I thought. As I got closer, but still not an appropriate distance to greet each other, Mikey said mildly frantically, "We can't go in there. It's way too quiet." In that moment, I felt like laughing but also at ease like we'd been friends forever. "There's a place down the street I've been wanting to try, let's go there," I suggested once I was closer. We then walked a few doors down to an equally quiet, yet significantly more hipster coffee shop, called "Wormhole." Once inside, we stood in line awkwardly and I approached the counter to order a cappuccino. I then listened as Mikey placed his order. What would it be? A black coffee? Cold brew? Maybe he was a matcha guy. Yah, that's it, he's a matcha guy. "I'll have a vanilla latte please." Immediately, I knew he was not enslaved to coffee the way I was. A vanilla latte is the drink of someone who only dabbles. Likes to enjoy the taste of what they are drinking, not someone who just chokes down an espresso for the sake of the buzz. I also knew in that moment, he was just being himself and ordering what he liked, which I loved. Once we had our drinks we hunkered down in the back of the frankly dingy coffee shop and started getting to know each other. We laughed a lot. Told stories about our friends. Traveling. Work (I had no concept of what Mikey did and still don't). The whole time, sitting next to some guy reading a book unsure as to whether he was annoyed by us or enjoying eavesdropping on a very obvious first date. We nursed our drinks as long as possible. I wanted to keep hanging out, but where do you go after a coffee date? Mikey was reading my mind apparently as he suggested we go back to Volumes (which coincidently was also a bookstore). Now that we were on Chapter 2 of our first date, we were more established, confident. We were leaving the awkward introductions behind us, able to concur the quiet ambiance of Volumes. Of course, the nervous energy was still there but no more so than the other overly caffeinated patrons inside. Mikey and I started moseying along together until our interests ultimately began to sway us in different directions. We bobbed and weaved for books and occasionally we would find each other peering through the book shelves and just laugh or smile. This was my favorite part of the date. Eventually Mikey found a "book" he wanted to buy along with a puzzle. I use the term "book" loosely, because the book he picked up called "Catcall" was basically a small book of insults put together as poetry. This is where Mikey gained his nickname "baby butt". Anyway, the date was winding down. I made conversation as Mikey waited for his Uber, "What are you up to for the rest of the day?" He didn't have any plans. He asked what I was doing and I said that I was going to the grocery store, if he wanted to join. Much to my surprise, Mikey said, "Sure." I was so confused, why was he coming to the grocery store with me? Unsure of what possessed me to invite him in the first place, we both walked to the grocery together while I purchased the express version of my shopping list. Afterwards, we walked home and put the groceries away (while I frantically hid my laundry in the closet.) Almost as if he had planned it, he pulled out the puzzle from the store and we began to work on it together. Once completed, Mikey celebrated by pulling me in for a kiss. The rest as they say, is history.

It was Monday, February 19th, 2018 (confirmed by my Uber History log). The prior week, Alexandria and I chatted on Hinge about the latest Oscar nominations ("Get Out", "I, Tonya", "Molly's Game", "3 Billboards"), how her MoviePass was abruptly cancelled (DOJ has since charged the execs with fraud), and about our Marin connections. Her profile revealed that her ideal first date included "a trip to Whole Foods for picnic supplies followed by finding a stranger's boat to have our picnic." Being the astute observer that I am, I asked her out to grab coffee the following Monday instead. I was excited. I arrived early (rare for me) at Volumes Bookcafe in Wicker Park. For a place called Volumes, it was quiet. Too quiet. The whole cafe would've been able to hear us talk about first-date things. I wait outside, and when Alexandria arrives, I recommend we visit another place. We end up at Wormhole Coffee, a block away. This place is funky; it's decked with memorabilia from the 80s and 90s. We sat on a couch in the back of the cafe. In front of us, a loaded Super Nintendo and CRT T.V. Above us, a Delorean. Next to us, another dude sitting on an armchair. I was nervous. We sipped from warm mugs and talked about first date things for an hour. We walked around, ended up in Volumes again. The back half of the place was a bookstore. We ran around, showing each other goofy books and giggling like kids. After a good half hour of laughing, Alexandria let me know that she unfortunately had to go. She had to grocery shopping. I fiddled with my Uber app, pretending I also had important things to go do. Maybe she wants to extend the date. I was hopeful. Then, she asked me a very important question: "Would you like to come with?" I ran the calculations. What does it mean to go grocery shopping with someone? Are we skipping five dates or am I moving back one? What do you learn about someone when you shop together? Also, did I need anything from Jewel-Osco? Are we out of Almond Milk? Does she actually have to go or does she want to continue the date? If I dont offer to walk her to the grocery store or her house, am I a bad person? Am I imposing? Am I overstaying? Is this her ideal first date? I went all in. "Sure." "Oh, Ok!" We walk to Jewel-Osco. I learned a lot about her diet. She was a prepper. Mealprepper, not doomsday. When she traveled on overnight trips as a flight attendant, she packed carefully, healthy, frugally, and deliberately the day before. I'm sure she was mortified to have to shop in front of someone else. I was clueless. Also, why did she only buy like five things? I had no idea this was the first of hundreds of times we would shop together throughout our lives. In the moment, I thought I miscalculated. What was one of the most fun dates suddenly turned into an awkwardly personal chore. I could have taken the Uber, but I saw it through to the end. Being a gentleman in a cruel, cold city, I offered to walk her home, and she obliged. I was committed. As we walk up to her steps, I seize the moment. I didn't know it at the time, but I had just landed the most important kiss of my life. Then I called my Uber, for real this time. I was happy. A while later, Alexandria Keene's contact info became Ally Keene. Soon, she becomes Ally Julian. We are happy.